Monday, November 7, 2011

Certified What?

On social networks and forums, have you ever come across people who brand themselves with statements such as:

Certified Hunk?  Did the gym tell you that?
Certified Straight?  So did you go to a 1970's psychiatrist for that certificate?
Certified Virgin?  Even monasteries these days don't check nuns anymore.  Who checked you?  And if you're a guy, how can anyone tell?
Certified Gwapo Certified Gwapa?  Says who?  Your partner?  People Magazine?
Certified Good Kisser?  I... How?  I mean... Prove it!
Certified Awesome Lover?  Would your exes agree?  What kind of love are you talking about, anyway?
Certified Macho?  Do you even know what "macho" means in real English?  Apart from displaying manly characteristics, the word refers to someone who is excessively and aggressively masculine or misogynistic--a chauvinist, if you will.  One who treats women as the weaker sex.  One who sees females to be innately lower than males.  Do you really want to go by that word?

Here's a word of advice from a sensible person (me), stop saying you're certified this and certified that.

If you're a UP graduate/student, go ahead and call yourself Certified Iskolar ng Bayan.  If you're a lawyer, call yourself a Certified Arguer; and if you're a medical doctor, call yourself a Certified Healer.  That way, you're really certified and nobody can dis you for wearing it proudly.

BUUUUT if you really want to proclaim yourself certified as something sexy (kay baga man jud ka'g leps), make sure you have the juice to prove it to everybody who doubts.  Chances are: not everyone you attempt to prove it to would agree with you.