Go Fly a Kite

Photo by Muha

Have you ever tried to hit on someone only to end up being told to go fly a kite?  Well, I know I haven't--at least not in that sort of situation.  One of my best friends, Farrah, loves that expression but uses it in response to various contexts.  She says it in a state of annoyance and believe me she gets annoyed by a lot of things.


Picture this!

Someone tries to recruit her in multi-level network marketing.

Recruiter:  ...and you're sure to get rich because when you sign up for this and get as many people to join, too, you'll end up not having to do anything because your recruits are going to do all the work for you.

Farrah then triggers an awkward moment of silence by saying something uncalled for in a very low and apathetic tone of voice.

Farrah:  So are you thinking like that right now?

Pause...

Recruiter:  What...

Farrah:  (Cutting in)  I'm assuming you've been told the same thing by whoever got you into this.  Do you expect me to do all the work for you then?

Pause...

Recruiter:  The thing is...

Farrah:  (Cutting in)  You know what?  Go fly a kite!

Farrah then smiles and severs the conversation for good.


You see, I've tried using the expression in such kind of context, but it has never and is never going to amount to anything positive.  It's basically just another way of telling people to get lost.  I'd like to use it in a different way.  I want to give it a more productive tone.  Yes, I've used this on someone who tried to hit on me.  Believe me, it's offensive.  Albeit, mildly, but still offensive.


Do this instead!

When someone emotionally unbecoming but still worthy of future consideration tries to hit on you and you don't quite feel comfortable about the thing at the moment, but you don't want to blow the person off, do this:

Wait for a good pause; smile; and say:

"Go fly a kite! Respect the kite. Take care of the kite. Learn to be in harmony with the kite. Love the kite. And then... come back and do the same to me when you've learned how."

Isn't it nicer that way?

Love in Sweet Slumber

I want to be with you.

I want to lie down beside you,

And feel your heat.

I want to caress you to sleep,

On your forehead;

On your arms,

On your smooth rear.

I want to feel your warm skin,

Against my own,

As we lie side-by-side,

Brushing against each other.

I want to feel the sensation,

Of your breath,

Gently tickling my neck,

With each exhalation,

Subtly calling my name.

I want to feel the heat,

Of your body,

While you embrace me,

With arms supple as silk.

I want to listen to your soft snore,

Buzzing as gently,

As the soft summer breeze,

In a far mountain home,

In tune with the call of cicadas.

I want to touch your face,

The face of the one,

Whose heart I hold.

I want to kiss you,

Even without you knowing,

With my eyes closed,

As my lips tenderly meet yours.

I want to run my fingers,

From your neck,

Down to your abdomen,

Down to your legs,

And up again.

I want to feel each kick,

And hear each word mumbled,

Each time you traverse,

The world of dreams.

I want to whisper,

In your ear, “I love you,”

While you sleep,

And hear you in my mind,

Saying you love me, too.

I want to be close to you,

During these hours,

To keep you safe,

To keep you warm.

I want to hold you,

As close as I can,

To me whose heart you own.

I want to feel your being,

With our spirits embracing.

I love you like no other,

And that is why,

I want to be with you.

Of Labels and Change

I don't need labels.

I don't know why it occurred to me to have myself photographed with these marks on my face.  I guess it has something to do with labels and loss of meaning.  Wait, no.  I'm not entirely sure of the reason.  Maybe it's something else.  Read.

I'm going to start with telling you that these are mirror images.  Yes, after taking the shots, I mirrored them all since I painted my face facing a mirror.  Otherwise, the marks would be facing an unusual direction.  Go figure.

On the right side of my face is an X.  It represents many things.  It may mean being incorrect; it may mean I'm presenting such side as a target for someone's fist; and it may mean "slice here, Doktora Belo."  [LOL]

On the left side of my face is a tick.  Like the X, it could also mean many things.  It could mean correctness; it could also mean inclusion; it could mean "yes;" and it could even mean "no," in some countries.

On my forehead is a question mark.  Unlike the two marks on either cheek, this one basically means only one thing.  It's pretty obvious in its name that it means there is a question.  Whether you use the term uncertainty, inquiry, or whatever--it's the same thing.  It's a question.

These marks, being marks, are labels.  Some of you may have noticed that the upper left most photo among the four is currently (as of February 1, 2011) being used as the profile photo on my Facebook account.  As a caption, I said, "Stop giving me unnecessary labels. I can live without them."  Those of you who may know only a minuscule amount of information about me would quickly infer that I mean sexual orientation labels or political stance labels.  You may be right to some degree, but you're not entirely right.

The labels that I speak of extend far beyond the two kinds.  And, no, I do not mean Gucci or Fendi or Manolo Blahnik.  And don't get me wrong either.  What I mean by labels is different from personal identification.  I have no problem being identified as bisexual or gay or a democrat or a Theosophist or a non-Christian or someone's boyfriend or someone's best friend or whatever.  In fact, in my Who I Am page, you'll find that I purposely keyed in various self-identifications.

I accept that I am many things to many people and I don't have a problem with views about me.  What I have a problem with is the pejorative use of these identifications/descriptions.  It is exactly that which qualifies them as labels.

Let me give you a number of scenarios:


"You mean, Ludwig?  He's also bisexual.  He might be interested in joining this cause." - IDENTIFICATION

"You mean, Ludwig?  He's bisexual.  That might offend him." - IDENTIFICATION

"You mean, Ludwig?  He's gay.  He might be interested in that cute guy you have there." - LABEL

"You mean, Ludwig?  He's gay.  He's going to hell!" - LABEL

"You mean, Ludwig?  He's not Catholic.  He'll never attain salvation like we will." - LABEL

"You mean, Ludwig?  He's not a Christian, but ask him if he wants to join our trip to the Holy Land." - IDENTIFICATION


You get my point now?  I know you're probably turning your heads left-to-right-to-left-to-right-to-left now, but this is just how I see it.  I don't even really see the significance of Vivien Westwood and why Oscar de la Renta's wedding gowns are better than the ones my grandmother's seamstress makes using the same materials.  The fact is, they're not necessarily so.


Moving on...

Let's digress...


These tiles of face marks and facing left and right may also mean change of mind.  One moment, I may affirm and agree to something, the next moment I may have a different view.  Like in the song Second Chances, performed by Lea Salonga, which Jay Kuo composed for his new musical called Allegiance.  It bears lyrics saying, "Nothing in life is so permanent that LOVE can't rearrange."

For Love and Faith and Devotion

I thought it was a good idea to write things in another language because of the advantage I had over people who didn't understand.  The problem with Google Chrome is that it automatically detects what language is being used and it suggests translating it to your colloquial tongue.  How lame is that?  Well, it's beneficial to those who are interested (but know not a single drop of Gaelic), but what about for the writer whose primary emotional outlet is through writing?

Let's also not abandon the fact that Google gives you lamely broken English from the language it flipped and tossed and tore apart to squeeze meaning from.

In any case, enough about that.  I don't want to give myself too much stress about something digital.  It's not good for the spirits and forces around me.  The last thing I want is them getting the wrong idea and finding my notebook busted the next morning.  NOOO!  Please, don't.

So, yes, let's move on to the next thing in mind.  I danced again earlier.  This time, we danced barefoot and we all sang.  Last time, it was just the leader who sang.  Today was different.  It was very brief but still awesome!  The sugar was awesome, too!  It was a like Sans Rival Bakeshop Silvanas on a late Tuesday afternoon.  Can you imagine?  We all had a good time!

I guess you could liken our passion to charismatic Christian groups on a Sunday morning.  Have you ever noticed how they get so emotional and so utterly passionate about their shared faith that they start to sing very loudly until they end up crying and kneeling down?  Afterwards you'll notice them starting to dance waving their arms around like sea anemones--eyes closed and all.

Our dance earlier was a lot like worship.  It was similar in many ways as it involved trust and faith and love and devotion and passion.  The primary difference was that ours was done with our own songs and none of those like One Way Jesus or Lord I Lift Your Name on High.  Why sing someone else's songs when we're more than capable of making new ones then and there?  Get it?

I was just a little disappointed in myself.  I entered the trance ahead.  I wanted us to get into it together.  Nevertheless, I didn't stop singing afterwards.  I sang while waiting for them to make like the ending of Rocky Horror's The Time Warp and let everything go.  It was still a very good experience--as always.

The best thing about it was that we all came as we were without regard for personal restraints.  We also exited the same way.  The only thing that mattered was that we were all passionate about what we were doing and no one was proselytized into participating even if nobody expected it to happen again this soon.

So, yes, that was it!  I need to fall down and pass out now!

Toodles!

Mo Chuisle

Tá rudaí sách deacair dom na laethanta seo, ach tá mé ag láimhseáil go bhfuil go maith go leor. Níl sé cosúil Tá mé ag fáil bháis nó aon rud mar sin. Níl ann ach go bhfuil rudaí crua. Sin é díreach é.

Mar sin féin, is féidir leis an gcruatan a glaoch Táim ag fulaingt mar praiseach an-álainn. Chun siúd agaibh nach féidir a fháil cad atá i gceist agam, fhortún maith leis ag iarraidh a fháil amach.

I gcás ar bith, tá áthas orm. Nach bhfuil rudaí imithe ar an mbealach ag súil agam orthu dul i dtús báire. Tá siad go bhfuil siad imithe i bhfad níos fearr, go deimhin. Tá mé ag áthasach ag casadh ar an gcaoi ar rudaí amach. miongháire liom gach lá a fhios agam go bhfuil duine áirithe a cheapann faoi dom an-fiú amháin más rud é go grámhar é nach bhfuil muid in iúl chomh minic agus is mian linn araon go. Iarraim an duine seo Mo Chuisle. Cumhacht an duine seo mo chroí le buille chun críche grámhar.

Tá an grá agus an-an-adh rúnda. Is féidir aon duine ar an eolas faoi seo sa bhreis ar an dá linn. Is é sin an fáth a bhfuil mé scríobh sa teanga Gaelach. Tá a fhios agam go mbeidh an iontráil seo an-neamhfhoirfe teacht amach agus cuma liom. Tá mé é seo, ní do mhuintir na hÉireann agus na hAlban, ach le haghaidh an dá linn. Tá mo Chuisle léamh roinnt de mo chuid scríbhinní Gaeilge roimh agus a fhios go maith conas a aistriú dóibh más mian leo sin a dhéanamh. Beidh mo Chuisle fhios cad atá le déanamh.

Mar sin féin, dar liom, ba chóir dom a deireadh sé anseo. Saol taobh amuigh den seomra leapa ag glaoch. Is mian liom a chéim d'aon ghnó as an confines mo bhaile. Bhuel, sílim go mbeidh mé ag dul go dtí an áras Mo Chuisle anois. Mé a bheith ag fanacht.

Old Entry #7: So What if You're Both Men or Both Women?

Here I am again.  And if you're going to ask why I'm posting an old entry so soon after the last, I'm going to answer anyway so don't go gasping!  The reason is simple:  I just want to.  It's not like the preface text doesn't have any present-time content, so relax!

Well, I danced today.  I had a whole lot of sugar followed by a vehement and oh so scorching series of non-choreographed body movements.  It was a party in every sense of the word.  I was on sabbatical and I never even expected that to happen before February.  Imagine!  It was totally spontaneous and completely awesome!  It was close to perfection!  It was a dance that I could safely say I'm willing to do every single day.  To say that I loved it would be an impertinent understatement.  My gawd!

I never thought my night would recover from what seemed like an apparent hopelessly doomed ending while I was at Victory Hills celebrating the fiesta.  Had it not been for my dogs and the presence of mom's two best friends, I'd have died of boredom.  I mean, hello!  Too much political talk is too much political talk.  Enough said!

Nevertheless, it got an unexpected ending.  Thank the heavens!  Thank fate!

Here's the old entry thingy now.

This was originally posted on Sep 29, '08 2:32 PM on Multiply.com.

__________________________________________________

Being raised in a heavily conservative Roman Catholic environment has certainly become a hindrance for homosexual couples.  Don't you think so, too?

Human as they are, members of the LGBT community are capable of genuine love that stretches miles beyond the typical perception of the general public.  They have the same basic needs that every other human being has.  And one of these is to love and be loved in return.

But why do the religious institutions have to smite these gay and lesbian couples when they're just going about their business loving each other?  They aren't harming anyone or anything!  Why does there have to be a predefined bracket for human love?  Why do they (religious institutions) feel that they are obliged to take control over what they perceive to be wrong?  Why can't they just swallow reality?  That they don't really have a say in these things!  That these things really do happen!  And that LOVE drives it as much as heterosexual couples--or possibly even more than them!

Furthermore, why do they insist that God despises these things when, in fact, they are the very institutions telling us that God loves unconditionally?  And God really does love UNCONDITIONALLY!

What an outlook!

My good friend Sr. Sandra Clemente of the Religious Order of the Sacred Heart of Jesus once told me:

"When our physical bodies die, God will not ask who and what we loved.  The only question God will ask us is 'how much did you love?'--'gaano ka nagmahal?'"

What about you?  What do you think?

The Bite

You have bitten me,

So hard, so strong,

But it is lucid I see,

That THIS is not wrong.

I ache and I fear,

In utter agony,

For how not it is clear,

The picture I see.

We've treaded THIS lane,

So shortly and tranquil.

And here we've befallen,

On a fate so delightful.

In your thoughts you found jest,

And saw nothing but oddity.

Yet bound we are for the best,

Armed with but passion's fury.

For the eyes of the meager,

What we do is but wicked.

In two ways we beleaguer,

Laws the Fathers alleged.

We fall foul of tradition,

Known since time unknown.

But we move forward and on,

For THIS knows no ration.

I succumb to your bite,

To your potent poison.

You, too, yield to the might,

Of my heady submission.

'tis bumpy our road,

And dangers we face.

For turns shall unfold,

In THIS crazy maze.

Courage be tested,

And strength be maimed.

But as it is said,

The wild can't be tamed.

We shall see how we fare,

In our endeavor.

We face fire for we dare,

But sweetness we shall savor.

So cheers to us two,

As we drown in our space.

We shall walk to and fro,

THIS joyous craze.

You have bitten me,

And I you.

A single destiny,

We have fallen to.

I have hit ground fast,

And hard as hard be.

You have blurred the past,

Now it's just you and me.

My greatest fear is you,

As has always been.

But nothing is more true,

Than what I have seen.

Venom runs in me,

And, in you whom I have wounded.

No wrong can I see,

If with THIS it is founded.

THIS is Life!

THIS is an Offering!

THIS is Vibrant!

THIS is an Embrace.

THIS is it.

Bird

Bird...

You are one of sheer beauty.

I am swooned by your presence.

I need naught know what kind you are,

Or from whence you come.

I, myself, am like you.

I, myself, am a bird, too.

We have so much alike,

Having shared so little.

From that time we met,

'Till the eve that passed.

You are so close to me now.

You're in arm's reach.

Yet I can feel the distance.

Bird...

Why do you clip your wings,

And ask me to clip mine?

I want to fly to your side,

And be with you--just that.

You fear so much,

That you'll fall off.

I know you want to fly,

I can feel your yearning,

I can feel your desire,

I can feel you.

But you fear the branch may,

Not hold both you and I.

Why, Bird, oh why?

An Open Letter to Dot Dot Dot

Hello •••,


You should seriously not say things like that. Yes, I mean my album.

Your subtlety is not welcome anywhere other people would notice it. It's not an ethical thing to do to publicly taunt your friends with remarks that are deeply undesirable to them (or their families). My maternal family (of which many members are in the same photo album) has no idea who you are and if they ask me, I'd be compelled to tell them the truth. I'd be bound to tell them that you're a friend who's doing something to me that I don't really like. Mind you, they DO NOT LIKE the idea that someone is taunting me undesirably. We're both already very good friends and I don't intend on introducing myself to you again the next time we meet. You know what I mean. I've been through it. It's weird.

I have no problem, whatsoever, with you teasing me in private. I have high tolerance for those things and I understand you. Just remember that I'm the one you need to direct your messages to. They're not for the visual consumption or intellectual scrutiny of anyone else. I need you to know that a LINE does exist. This line I'm talking about is not very hard to cross. I am also not God-like. I am not eternally lenient and forgiving. I have emotional limitations, too.

Please do not take this negatively. My attitude towards you will not change after clicking send. This is something that we'd both giggle about later if you adhere and understand. We will always be good friends who laugh and pinch each other and talk on the phone and text and what not.

I know I'm being too idealistically positive about my infatuation towards Δ. You may say I'm dreaming the impossible dream, but I don't care. I'm not expecting anything in return. It's just that this feeling exists for me and me alone. I don't mind if it isn't reciprocated by Δ. I'll just make it linger until it burns out. It's not harming me, anyway. It's not affecting my life in any relevant way. My ability to function isn't hampered. I'm not obsessed with Δ. This whole thing does NOT involve lust in any sort of way. I'm not being a vulture; I'm not casting spells; I'm not making elaborate photo collages; and I'm not trying to get Δ's attention. In fact, I'm even doing the complete inverse. I'm avoiding Δ because I'm aware that I'm never going to achieve what I desire. I'm just allowing the emotion to fly free. It's just a feeling. It's been just an infatuation since the beginning. NOTHING MORE! I wish it'd go away, but there's no use trying to force it to die. It's hard to combat ◊ years of admiration, you know--especially if it has this kind of logical and rational backing. I'm just letting it be.

I believe you can resonate with me.

You can go on with your teasing all you like. Just direct them to me--NOT publicly and not uncouthly. Please! I don't like losing friends. I don't like losing YOU as a friend.


Sincerely and with much love,
Ludwig