Friday, June 24, 2011

Old Entry #12: On Being 19 and Not Being a King Anymore

I'm so darn happy and I'm not going to tell you why!

*Jump! Jump! Jump! Clap! Clap! Clap! Dance! Dance! Dance*

Anyway, I digress...  It's time for another old entry.  I'm not in the mood to post anything RH Bill-related or Divorce Bill-related or anything about Magick or Theosophy or interfaith dialog or gender equality or racism or the GLBTQ movement!  Just not right now.

For now, let me explain my old entry.

This was written a day after my 19th birthday, so don't be surprised if it talks about being a teenager because I really was one when I wrote this back in 2008.

Another major issue about this entry is the fact that it talks very emotionally about my ex.  Yes, my ex.  I didn't bother editing it because he doesn't mean anything to me anymore.  Also, it wouldn't be a genuine old entry if I were to remove huge parts of it simply because it disgusts me - which, to be honest, it does.

As I went over it, I was cringing through the latter parts starting from the point where his name first appeared.  I can't believe I was THAT in love with him back then.  Like, eeew!  Eeeeeeewwww! Ugh! My spine is getting violent shivers.

So, yeah, I decided to publish it in small prints.

One more thing, I couldn't find any photos of that dinner party anywhere in my hard drive.  I don't know if my old computer still has it.  I've taken to digging this one as deeply as I possibly could, but nothing came up for my 2008 birthday.

Well, it's a bummer, but I guess emotional detachment is the key to getting over it.

Here's that old entry now.

This was originally posted on Oct 28, '08 7:01 AM on


The photo above was taken during my uncle's wedding 15 years ago.  I was four then.

Oh, how cute I was.

I still haven't sunken in to the fact that I'm already only a year closer to not being a teen anymore.  It's not that I'm beginning to get age-conscious this young or anything.  It's just that I've been too immature to even qualify to advance in age.  I've been really negligent -- practically about everything.  I guess it's a trait I've learned to live with.  [Not good!]

I consider this a catch-22 to be reckoned with.

My day yesterday wasn't as fussy as my birthdays when I was younger.  I used to be king for a day whenever the 27th of October would come.  There used to be huge parties at my home where everyone from neighbors to school friends to governors to congressmen would be around.

This time, however, it was way different.  I even cooked at my own dinner party.  Get a load of that!  I went grocery shopping, pranced through aisles worrying if I'd left something out -- not to mention going through the agony of hand-carrying what felt like a truckload of goodies and drinks, shoving them in the back of my car and nearly passing out in the front passenger's seat.

And the work didn't end there, I passed by two restaurants to order a couple of stuff only to be told that it wouldn't be ready until 3 hours later.  What a treat for the ears!

Upon getting home, I had to marinate the chicken the way I wanted it, bread the pork, butter the chevon, tenderize the beef, dictate how the charcoal was to be burnt for the grill, burn my tongue tasting dishes directly from saucepans, instruct piece-by-piece how the vegetables were to be chopped.  Moreover, I was also the spice director for the soup.  I was practically head chef/grocery guy/birthday boy.

Yeah, it felt great!  No, I'm not kidding.  It actually did!  Amidst all that brouhaha going on in the kitchen, I was rather happy that I was part of the effort of making it all happen.

Upon finishing, the guests started coming in.  And, boy, were they hungry!  I wanted to wait for my dad but it was rather inappropriate to make my guests wait.  Some of them came all the way from Los Baños, Laguna.  We had to start without him.  He came in the middle of it all, though.  And he brought a lot of ice cream and wine.  Such an awesome dad!  [Hahaha!]

Yes, I was happy last night.  I just wish Ted could have been there.  I miss him terribly.  Yes, we did have two days together over the weekend.  A night over at my house and an entire day at the beach.  But still, it was really bitin.  We made the most of it but it still wasn't enough.  Well, what would one expect?  We're lovers!

He gave me two silver bracelets.  So sweet of him.  I love him so much!

Anyway, over the years, I've outgrown a lot of things.  I used to be really obsessed with WWE but it has now fallen to the bottom part of my list of interests.  Lea Salonga will, of couse, remain since my love for art will always be something of passion.

Ted, on the other hand... Being with him... Loving him... Even quarrelling with him... I'm certain I'd never grow tired of.  I love him.  I love how he goes so utterly gay and claps his hands so childishly when he gets excited.  I love the look on his face when he gets 'hurt'.  I love the way his eyes close when we kiss.  I love everything about Ted.

Well, what more can I say?  I don't think I need to.

I'm 19.  But I think this would take some getting used to before I'll be completely comfortable with telling people.  There's a huge difference between blogging and enunciating "I'm 19."  It's just not the same.

Anyway, "deal with it, Ludwig!"